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Saturday, January 4th, 2003

    Time Event
    11:45p
    One More Revolution

    Lots of fanfare, umpteen parties, a fraud, a few arrests... and the New Year began.

    For me, it was much the same. Life goes on, and today seems very much like yesterday. I resolved to do a few things, and by sheer coincidence the long-procrastinated decisions collided with the advent of 2003.

    Realisation dawned, and with it, my perception of myself.

    A mistake, a misunderstanding, a bout of impatience, a white lie, a piece of advice, and much more- all within the first week of 2003.

    A feeling of helplessness and loneliness sometimes descends on me. Or rather, ascends, from the trenches of the sub-conscious mind to the top of the alert mind.

    A minor insignificant incident has made me question my beliefs which I claim to have, and would like to have. Why or how I could go back from the promises I made to myself, I fail to comprehend. There is no good enough excuse. This probably is the nadir of my behaviour. I probably can't rectify the mistake I made due to the superficiality of my so-called beliefs, but I can decide whether I want to believe in what I claim to believe.

    I've decided- no more pseudo beliefs. I will believe in those beliefs because they are worth believing in.

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